Hate This Place
by Roxal
Summary: I mean, this isn't supposed to happen, right? But it is. Warnings: Language. Status: See ch. 15. [RikuSora]
1. Stop It

Disclaimer: I don't own crap. Don't sue me. You'll come away empty-handed.  
  
My second chapter fic! Yay! I'ma be annoying and put up a song first to set the tone of this one. It's RikuSora, sorta SoKairi (you can't just pretend she doesn't exist, you know!), but it WILL end RikuSora. So, if you don't like that idea, flame me all you want. I really don't give a damn. I'm bi myself and see absolutely nothing wrong with same-sex relationships. XP But, other people do, and that's a part of this fic. Maybe I should've named it 'Acceptance'. Oh well.  
  
Uh, first chapters are always boring. Lots of explaining to do. Or maybe it's just my style. Still, they're necessary to read, or you'll be lost throughout the rest of the fic.  
  
Anyways, if you've read any of my previous works, you know I'm addicted to music. I pulled my old Goo Goo Dolls CD off the shelf and listened to it shortly after getting the idea for this fic. I skipped around and started listening to one of my favorite songs. It just... Fit so well. It's a pretty song, too. Enjoy!  
  
Goo Goo Dolls : Hate This Place  
  
Gone away Who knows where you been You take all your lies And wish them all away I somehow doubt We'll ever be the same There's too much poison And confusion on your face  
  
Can you feel it I didn't mean it Can I see you What are we doin' I think I love you But I ain't sayin' nothin' You don't know  
  
Hold on dreamaway You're my sweet charade  
  
Take your time Move yourself to me Yeah I can take your lies Until you fall away You know I'm lost Hiding in your bed No I don't think it's wrong It's just gone to my head  
  
Can you feel it I didn't mean it Can I see you What are we doin' I think I love you But I ain't sayin' nothin' You don't know  
  
Hold on dreamaway You're my sweet charade  
  
Hey whatchya do to me Would you come back to me Yeah I can't do another day I'm not certain of it anyway I ain't messin' with another life Can I get along without you Tell me the lies That you know I need  
  
Hold on dreamaway You're my sweet charade Hold on dreamaway You're my sweet charade  
  
Hold on dreamaway Hold on dreamaway  
  
++  
  
"Stop it..."  
  
The words were barely whispered. He wasn't so much trying to resist the boy as he was trying not to give in. His initial shock was giving way to unfelt feelings that threatened to boil over.  
  
Riku held Sora's head gently, kissing his cheeks and neck. Sora's eyes were shut, unsure of what to think or do. This was... Wrong. They were /guys/. More importantly, they were /friends/. This wasn't supposed to happen! What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to, but it was starting to feel really good, really right.  
  
Sora gulped and opened his eyes, pushing Riku away. He looked into his friend's half-lidded, lust-filled eyes and was too stupefied to say anything for a moment. "What's wrong?" Riku finally broke the silence.  
  
"I-I... I... /This/ is wrong! I mean, we... We're..." Sora groped his mind for something intelligent to say; a rather arduous task whilst trying to process just what the hell they had been doing and why he had been enjoying it so much. "We're /boys/, Riku. I mean, this isn't supposed to happen, right?"  
  
"But it is." Riku looked almost passive, staring deeply into Sora's confused, panic-stricken face. "Sora... It's okay. Let me love you." He put his hand on Sora's cheek, waiting for a reaction.  
  
"It's just. Ah! I don't know! It feels right, but a part of me just..." He looked to the floor beside them, away from Riku's comforting hand.  
  
"If it feels right, how can it be wrong?" Riku leaned in and whispered in Sora's ear, planting a small kiss on his jawbone.  
  
Sora pushed him away again, a new feeling arising: distrust. "Riku, how did it feel when the darkness swallowed you?"  
  
Riku blinked and backed away a little. "Bad. I was scared to death."  
  
"But you let it take you anyway." Sora's eyes narrowed. "It must've felt good at some point."  
  
"Well, yeah... But only briefly! Then it went back to being a living hell! They needed to distract me so I'd cooperate. Sora, I didn't want that to happen, I thought they would help me. I fought them for a long time; I couldn't help but give in!" Riku looked at his friend desperately, but saw no comfort in his gaze.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder if you really came back to our side." Sora's eyes showed faint traces of tears as he turned on his heel and ran. He didn't know where he was going; he just wanted to get away.  
  
"SORA!" Riku called anxiously, but it was too late. "Sora..." He sank to his knees, head in his hands. "I never meant..." Tears that had been held in far too long stung his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. "I never... I'm sorry."  
  
'Maybe I came on too strong, too fast. I mean, it /has/ been two years...' Two long years ago, Riku had been shut inside Kingdom Hearts by his best friend, the object of his affection, his light... /his/ Sora. And for two long years he had screamed himself hoarse in the vast emptiness wondering why he hadn't jumped through the doors and pushed from the outside. But deep down he knew. He wanted to protect Sora, from himself.  
  
Riku had let his lust get /way/ out of line in his quest to find Sora, turning to the very source of the Heartless for help. But in losing his heart to Ansem, he forgot how to love, and all his feelings turned into hatred.  
  
And he hated Sora most of all.  
  
That was why he allowed himself to fight his only love. Because love was hate, up was down, left was right, good was bad. He let the darkness swallow him whole. It /had/ felt good. He felt at peace, at ease. But when Ansem tried to take on Sora, well, he just couldn't allow that to happen. Deep his mind, something reminded him of his feelings, of his love.  
  
Riku used what was left of his strength to save the person he had tried so hard to destroy. It didn't feel good anymore after that. Then he felt the cold stab of guilt, of fear, of helplessness. What had once vaguely resembled light now reared its ugly head as true darkness. He felt himself slipping further and further into its frozen depths.  
  
But he still saw light. It was like being at the bottom of a pool, looking up to a distorted ray of sunlight, fighting with all your strength to reach it, knowing that soon you would drown; soon the light would be gone.  
  
Something tugged at his heart after his descent. He didn't know what it was, but it had felt strangely good. It was different from the pain pulling on the other side of his heart, telling him to give up and give in. It took him a while to realize that it was Sora. He and Sora now shared some sort of bond. Riku had saved his friend's life, and now Sora was forever indebted to him. It /was/ a good feeling, but he didn't quite understand all the things it was causing him to feel.  
  
At times, it was actual physical pain, but it was mostly emotional hurt. Sometimes he had an overwhelming sense of defeat; others he felt determined and renewed. This was what Sora was feeling. Riku finally understood and monitored his friend's actions closely. Hurt, anger, determination, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, triumph, surprise, pain. Horrible pain. Riku gasped at this new feeling. Sora was falling too. But... But Sora /couldn't/ fall!  
  
Riku screamed at this sense of terror. The world had been pulled out from under him. He reached out to Sora. Through the darkness, through the fear, and he whispered to him, with all that was left of his voice.  
  
"Giving up already? C'mon, Sora, I thought you were stronger than that."  
  
And Riku fell. He was lost, in the deep, suffocating blackness. The light was too far above him now. But he was glad, that even for that one moment, he had been able to reach Sora. And then he realized what he felt was love.  
  
He finally did get to see Sora again, for what he thought would be the last time. They had to close the door to Kingdom Hearts. Riku was afraid of being alone in there, but he /had/ to protect Sora. If he'd done so many horrible things just trying to find him, he didn't know what he might be capable of next.  
  
The hurt look on Sora's face as they closed the door killed Riku. He didn't want Sora to hurt again. Not ever. He thought of the only thing that could make Sora happy. Kairi.  
  
"Take care of her for me."  
  
Kairi. The word stabbed the back of his mind like a piercing blade. He had never loved her. He liked her, sure. They had all been great friends. But he felt a bit on uneven ground with her. He loved competing with Sora, but there was a different sort of competition between him and her. They had been vying for Sora's heart. Riku had been using her to make Sora jealous. He now wondered if she had known and that was why she hadn't returned Riku's fake affections. She hardly seemed interested in him as anything more that a friend. This made him scoff a laugh. Kairi had always been very observant.  
  
It was common knowledge that Kairi and Sora had a 'thing' going. Riku's feelings, however, were unknown, even by himself. Sora seemed equally happy when with either of them, and this now confused Riku even more. Hadn't Sora loved Kairi back? If he had, then why hadn't he spent more time with Kairi, or at least wanted to be with her more than he was? Riku looked at the ground. He couldn't have loved them both. Not when he'd just so violently rejected Riku. He sighed. What the hell was wrong with them all? Damned teenage crap. Seventeen years old and what did he have to show for it? More pain than most people have felt in a lifetime.  
  
Why had he come back here; to the dark, deserted tree house on Destiny Islands? He didn't really know. He just sort of... Woke up there. Frightened by his new surroundings, he decided against venturing out until someone, or something, found him first. He huddled in a corner, clutching his Keyblade. The years hadn't been kind to him. He was frailer than he had been, though his muscles were still defined under his tight yellow tank top. He had ditched his blue baggy pants in favor of a closer fitting pair of dark blue jeans. He didn't wear shoes anymore. No need for them, really. His hair had grown quite a bit and flowed down to his elbows. He managed to keep his bangs, though, by cutting them every month or so with his keyblade. They were beginning to get a little shaggy. His eyes were the only thing about him that was unchanged. The bright seagreen orbs still held an undying fire that blazed in times of great fear, anger, or passion.  
  
It was Sora who found him. The younger boy had looked through the door a bit curiously and with a touch of fear in his eyes before he let them rest on Riku's pale form. Sora had also changed, but not as much. He now wore a red tee-shirt, which clung closely to his well-defined abdomen. His red shorts had been replaced by a pair of tight leather pants. His crown necklace and keychain were still visible, glinting in the sunlight. His hair remained as it had two years ago, but was lightened a bit. What struck Riku most, though, were his eyes. They looked... Different. He looked wiser, more mature. A bit of the naivete Riku had found so adorable was gone. Sora had seen horrible things with those deep blue eyes, and it showed.  
  
They were both shocked by the other's sudden appearance, and for a moment they merely gazed at each other open-mouthed. At the exact same moment the said the other's name, then rushed toward each other and embraced in a hug.  
  
"RIKU! Oh, my God! What are you doing here?" Sora yelled next to his friend's ear.  
  
"I was going to ask you the same question!" Riku laughed, holding his friend tighter.  
  
"What happened to us?" Sora inquired, his face becoming more serious. His initial surprise was giving way to forgotten feelings of uncertainty.  
  
"I don't know." Riku blinked. "I was just sort of... Here." He leaned in closer to Sora and moved his hands down to his waist. "But I have you back. Sora... You're all I've thought about these past two years." He lost control of himself. Being with Sora again was unbearable. He kissed Sora's neck gently.  
  
Sora responded by kissing Riku's forehead. "I've missed you, too. I was looking for you, you know." He leaned his head on the other boy's shoulder.  
  
"Were you now?" Riku kissed Sora's neck again, moving his lips higher until he reached Sora's cheek.  
  
Sora lifted his head. "R-Riku... Wh-What are you doing?" He tried to pull away from Riku's dominating hold.  
  
"Shh..." Riku hissed into Sora's cheek. "I've thought of nothing but you for two years. I love you, Sora. I always have." He kissed Sora's lips passionately. The other boy's initial shock soon wore down and he relaxed a little, but did not respond. When Riku's tongue began to glide across his lower lip, however, Sora broke their contact.  
  
"Stop it..."  
  
And I lay you at our current scene, once upon a time.  
  
+++  
  
White goes with anything, but it looks best with black and brown.  
  
Heh, that's my new philosophy. My fave yaoi couples: Sora and Riku; Draco and Harry. Woo! Anyways, hope you enjoyed! I really have no idea where the hell this fic is going, but I do know it'll end up with Sora and Riku sharing as close to a lemon as the FF.net police will let me get away with XD  
  
If you have any ideas or suggestions for anything even resembling a plot, e- mail me at pitiful@earthing.net I may not use your ideas exactly, but I'll take them into account. And I do so love to get e-mail. I'm so lonely. Won't someone love me?! God, I'm pathetic.+sulks+ 


	2. Daydream

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my body, I think. Or so the Transcendentalists would have me believe...  
  
XD XD XD YES! WE BOUGHT A PS2! +dies+ I'm so friggin' happy I'm gonna explode. ^___^ Now, I know what you're probably thinking: "If she just bought a Playstation, then how does she know so much about the game?" Simple. I wasted about $60 renting it for two weeks. That's exactly how long it took me to beat the damned thing, and my dad shelled out about $20 for a memory card so we didn't have to leave it on pause all night and risk another power outage (living in FL, it's bound to happen, and it did, right after I'd gained access to Agrabah. I was ready to have a seizure.). But now it's mine! All mine! Well, and my sister's too, I guess. And I don't even get to use it 'til Christmas. . BUT AT LEAST IT'S THERE!  
  
BTW: Snowy- It /will/ get fluffy and romantic. Mark my words. Just not yet. Gotta set things up first.  
  
+++  
  
'FUCK! What the hell was that? What's going on? Was that... Real?'  
  
Sora ran down the ladder connected to the treehouse and headed straight for the Secret Place. 'Oh, this is bad, this is bad...' He got to the back of the small cave and slumped down against the cold stone. His mind and heart were racing. Had he actually enjoyed that?  
  
'But... But Riku's a /guy/. Guys aren't supposed to like other guys.' His shortness of breath surprised him. Had he really been running that fast? Or was he just caught up in the passion.....? These feelings confused him more than anything ever had. He was torn between reality and morality. They reality being that he /might/ actually like Riku back. The morality being that liking another boy was flat wrong.  
  
Tears that had started in the treehouse slid silently down his cheeks and splashed onto his shirt. 'God. What am I supposed to do? I... I think feel for him too. Could I love-? But what about Kairi? Don't I love her? I don't know anymore...'  
  
Sora had spent the last two years of his life searching for Riku. He just wanted his friend to be all right. He'd known the other boy his whole life; it was only natural that he go look for him, right?  
  
"Take care of her for me."  
  
But Riku had told him to take care of Kairi... Hadn't he? So... Why had Sora abandoned his promise to look after the girl he 'loved' and looked for his best friend instead?  
  
Because he knew that he loved him. He /knew/. Love, to him, was not to be taken lightly. What he felt for Kairi was hormones at best. What he felt for Riku, though, was much deeper. For a long time he'd thought it was just a great friendship. In a way he had /forced/ himself to like Kairi. His idle daydreams about Riku being anything more than a friend should've been pushed out of his mind by thoughts of Kairi.  
  
But they weren't. In fact, they became more frequent. So he freaked out and tried to stop thinking about Riku altogether. But that's really hard when he saw him every day. He became a bit withdrawn from Riku shortly before they were to depart on the raft. Pretty much the only contact they had was during their swordfights. Things were beginning to return to normal in his mind until that night, two days before everything happened.  
  
"You wanted one, didn't you?"  
  
When Riku had given him a Paopu, he immediately thought it was meant for him and Kairi, though Riku had mentioned no names (which he now mentally noted). It was like a nail in the coffin. Riku did not, would not, could not ever love him back. He became even more withdrawn from Riku the next day, trying to accept this fact. His races brought him great satisfaction when he won, but that initial loss was devastating.  
  
"The winner gets to share a Paopu with Kairi."  
  
Crap. So if he lost then he would lose his sweet distraction and be forced to watch the one he loved be with the one he wanted to love. He did all he could think to do. He ran. He ran his ass off. But he still lost. Even Riku's claim that he was joking offered him no consolation.  
  
But Riku /had/ been joking. Sora didn't know it, and at the moment was too crushed to realize. He once again overlooked a small but important detail. The tone in Riku's voice, though careless, had an underlying sound of concern, and even hurt. He didn't mean to hurt Sora. That was the /last/ thing he wanted to do. Sora knew nothing of Riku's own competition for the boy's heart. That evening, he decided to stay away from him and try to reassure himself of his relationship with Kairi.  
  
"Let's take the raft and go. Just the two of us!"  
  
His conversation with her that night had been a strange one indeed. She wanted to go away with him. Good. That was his goal, right? She liked him, and it showed. But... He couldn't leave Riku behind. Even if it meant risking his very sanity, he wouldn't leave him after all they'd been through. Kairi's comment that Riku had changed struck him a bit off-guard, but it made him think. Yes, Riku /had/ changed. He'd become even more withdrawn than usual; living deeper in his fantasy worlds about getting away from the islands. What Sora found even stranger was the fact that this behavior had started around the time Sora had tried to avoid Riku. Sora's remark that it was Kairi who had changed was merely a way to bail himself out from the situation.  
  
"Maybe..."  
  
Kairi's voice sounded sad, almost knowing. Could she have known? Was she trying to get him away from Riku? To divert his attention from her competition? This was all making sense to him now in a strange, twisted way. They had been competing over him while he had been competing with his own heart.  
  
Sora sank into the ground and licked his lips. They still tasted like Riku, mixed with his own tears and pain. 'I love you... I'm so sorry.'  
  
So, in light of new evidence, if Sora loved Riku so much, what had caused him to say such hurtful things at a time when he /should have/ been overjoyed?  
  
Panic. And fear. He was afraid of what admitting he loved Riku would mean. It was that 'I know this is right but society will shun me' kind of mentality that said those words, not him. He had hurt him to avoid him, and now he hated himself for it. 'I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to try.'  
  
He looked across the cave through the filtered sunlight to the old drawing of Kairi and himself. "How foolish I was." He threw a rock at the image of his own face, making a scratch across it. 'Good.' He thought. 'Good.'  
  
Sora stood and brushed himself off. He needed to find Riku now, if only to apologize to him. He cycled through his mind thinking of places he might be. Knowing what he did about Riku, he assumed two things of his whereabouts. 1: He wouldn't be in the treehouse, because he had been hurt there. He wouldn't want to dwell on it in the place it happened, or at least didn't want Sora finding him there at the moment until he'd thought things through. 2: He probably didn't want to be seen by anyone else yet, so he wouldn't go somewhere obvious, like the Paopu tree.  
  
Sora pondered for a moment, then left the cave and headed to the other side of the island.  
  
+++  
  
Yes, I know this chapter is shite. I was getting tired of writing at the end. I actually wanted to move off the angst and write some fluff. My God, did I just say that? +checks her temperature+ I think I may be dying! I actually wanted to write fluff! Oh, dear God, no! Oh well. I shall proceed with the fluffiness soon enough, my dears. Pleasant RikuSora filled dreams! 


	3. I'm Sorry

Disclaimer: I don't own stuff. And I don't really care. EVEN IF YOU SUE ME I WON'T STOP THINKING DIRTY, DIRTY THOUGHTS! XP  
  
LOL, 'dirty, dirty thoughts.' This may become a dirty, dirty fic, depending on how confident I am in my citrus-flavored writing. I'm kinda nervous about writing anything like that, though, cuz I feel like I'm gonna come across as a perv. (Though I know you guys won't judge me on that. I've read some pretty graphic ones on here. O.O) Well, at least I tried.  
  
Uh, if you wanna see my version of older Riku from Descend and Conquer, go to my homepage (it's in my profile) and click the link at the top that says 'Urban Angel Productions.' They'll take a while to download if you have a slow modem. Sorry. I'll scan my pics of Sora and Riku from this fic some day. I drew a really good pic of Riku and Kairi on my Chemistry notes. He looks so huggable! And maybe it isn't a good time to take a trip down memory lane by listening to 'The Enchanted Tiki Room.' BUT I LOVED THAT SHOW! Stupid people think re-vamping it will make it better. Well guess what, Mr. Eisner? It SUCKS now. Rrgh. And my boots are beginning to cut off the circulation in my feet.  
  
Anyway, I promised you fluff.  
  
Here goes nothin'.  
  
+++  
  
Sora sneaked along the beach, under the bridge to the small island, and through the door to the racecourse. He surveyed the scene carefully. 'If I were Riku, where would I go?' Well, Riku was a bit unpredictable when he was upset, so Sora decided to look everywhere. He hopped off the platform onto the small beach below. He wasn't under the rickety bridge or in the shipwreck, though Sora figured he wouldn't be. He probably didn't want to be cold right now. Sora went to the steps leading up to the zip line's tower. He left his soaked shoes there, offering him more freedom of movement. Riku wasn't in the bushes surrounding the base of the tower, but he wasn't one to hide in bushes anyway.  
  
Sora decided he might as well climb the tower to check if Riku had taken refuge there. Somehow he knew he had. His heart pounded furiously against his ribs as he neared the top. He still wasn't quite sure what he was going to say, but it was too late now. His presence was known, and leaving now would probably hurt his friend even more. When his head was high enough to see into the small space, sure enough, Riku was there, huddled in a corner, knees pulled up to his chest, eyes closed.  
  
Sora took a deep breath and pulled himself up onto the small platform. 'Here goes...' he sighed. He sat next to Riku facing the railing the other boy was leaning on. Sora looked to his knees, then to Riku. His fears swelled and died when he looked at his companion's face. The void left by the fear was quickly filled by guilt.  
  
The sun had set, and the soft moonlight picked up faint the shimmer of tears on Riku's face. Sora had never seen him cry before. If he knew the other boy was there, he didn't show it. He just kept his head down and eyes closed, remaining stone still. Sora's own tears threatened to come back but he pushed them down. Now was not the time to show weakness. "Riku, I'm sor- "  
  
But his words were cut short by Riku's lips. The other boy had moved so quickly, so suddenly that Sora didn't know what was happening until he felt the older boy's hands on his neck and back. Sora shocked Riku this time when he returned the kiss, deepening it, pulling the other close to him. It all felt so good, so right, and Sora couldn't help but open his mouth when Riku's tongue begged entrance. In his fervor, he moved his hand under the back of the other's shirt, wanting to explore every inch of his body.  
  
'I love you.' It was all he wanted to say. It was everything he needed at the moment. To hell with the world. He loved Riku. And that was all he needed to know.  
  
It was Riku who broke their passionate contact. He held the boy close to him, both breathing heavily. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."  
  
Sora blinked and looked at him. In those deep green eyes shone a flame of love and pain. What did he have to be sorry for? "What do you mean?"  
  
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that I loved you and never realized it. I... I'm sorry I let my lust take over and nearly get you killed. I love you, Sora. I never wanted you to be hurt. I tried to resist, I really did, but by then it was too late. Please... Please forgive me." His eyes glistened in the pale light, making him seem radiant. Silver tears glided silently down his fair skin, glowing from the light of the stars above. A strange fragility Sora had never seen before outlined his features. It was strange, to see one so strong look so frail.  
  
"I... Of course I forgive you. I was never mad about that. I didn't mean what I said before. I just... Panicked. I love you, too. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone." He smiled as his own tears slid down his cheeks. "I love you."  
  
The words were so definitive, so final. So... Perfect. Riku couldn't help but laugh as he kissed Sora again. Nothing could take this moment away from them. Their tongues felt each other's mouths, savoring everything they tasted. Riku slid his hands under Sora's shirt and pulled it off over his head. Sora mirrored these movements on his lover, feeling every muscle in the other's body work as he was pushed onto his back.  
  
Riku kissed and licked Sora's smooth neck, causing the boy to moan sensuously at his touch. Sora ran his hands down Riku's back, feeling the soft, pale skin under his strong fingers. He moved one hand behind the other's head and had a sudden thought: He didn't like being dominated.  
  
Sora placed his other hand under Riku's chin and tilted his face up to look him in the eyes. "Allow me." Gently, he rolled on top of Riku, never breaking their eye contact. He leaned in and carefully kissed his love's lips, holding it for a moment before pulling away again. "I need you."  
  
It was Riku's turn to gasp as Sora's lips moved lower and lower, pausing at his well-defined abdomen. He kissed and nipped at the firm flesh, enjoying the reactions he was getting from his partner. His hands moved from their post on Riku's hips to his belt buckle. However, as he began to unfasten it, Riku's hand intervened. "Not yet." The older boy sighed. "Not yet."  
  
Sora smiled softly in understanding, pulling himself level with Riku's face again. "I can wait." He sighed into the other boy's hair. He pulled him as close as their bodies would allow, rising and falling with his lover's gentle breathing. "I'll wait forever if I have to."  
  
The two lay, cradled in each other's protective arms. The perfection of the moment was so complete, so absolute, that they didn't even notice the approaching footsteps.  
  
Inside my skin  
  
There is this space...  
  
It twists and turns  
  
It bleeds and aches  
  
Inside my heart  
  
There's an empty room .  
  
It's waiting for lightning;  
  
It's waiting for you  
  
I am wanting, and..  
  
I am needing you here  
  
Inside the absence of fear  
  
Muscles and sinew  
  
Velvet and stone...  
  
This vessel is haunted  
  
It creaks and moans  
  
My bones call to you  
  
In their separate skin.  
  
I make myself translucent  
  
To let you in, for..  
  
I am wanting, and...  
  
I am needing you here  
  
Inside the absence of fear  
  
There is this hunger  
  
This restlessness inside of me  
  
And it knows that you're no stranger,  
  
You're my gravity  
  
My hands will adore you  
  
Through all darkness aim  
  
Lay you out in moonlight  
  
And reinvent your name  
  
For I am wanting, and..  
  
I am needing you  
  
To be here...  
  
I need you near...  
  
Inside the absence of fear  
  
+++  
  
I listened to that song almost the whole time while I was writing this chapter. Oh, it makes me feel all warm and squishy. I love Jewel.  
  
And yes, I copped out. No lemon/lime whatever-the-hell this chapter. I just couldn't do it. I got to the belt thing, and, well, Riku took the words right out of my mouth. Well, maybe later.  
  
Anyway...  
  
CLIFFHANGER!! 


	4. Make Me

Disclaimer: I don't own things. So sue me. Well, actually, no. Don't. Because that would be bad.  
  
Wee!! My parents are out of town, so I'm home alone all weekend! KEGGER AT MY HOUSE! Well, then again, no. I have no friends to invite. They all live way the hell out in the West Side of the county and I'm almost on the coast. Damn friends. They need to move.  
  
Anyways, I'm having a fun time with this. I've been working it out for two days in my head. Heheh, Sora's characterization is getting a bit, well, weird. I dunno if he's being OC or not, just... His personality's become a bit skewed. More details at the bottom, after I've typed this monster out. I'm still not really sure about where this is all heading. Should be fun.  
  
Oh, and by the way, I've taken advantage of my home's emptiness by using the good computer and scanning more pictures. Go, once again, to my profile, click my homepage, read my rants if the spirit moves you (you can leave a comment if you feel like it. I don't care.), click 'Urban Angel Productions', and there'll be a pic of Sora from pretty much all my post-KH fics. I really can't imagine him without the hair. Anyway, click on him (oh, that sounded dirty XD) and there'll be a pic of Descend and Conquer era Riku. Don't you love his little tattoo of the Paopu fruit? ^^ Then click on the thing that says 'deviant art account' and there's a pic of older Kairi in there, and the same pic of Riku but without the glowy effect. Yep. And dammit, I've become addicted to solitaire. I know I should be writing, but I just... O.O  
  
+++  
  
Sora lay on Riku's chest, careful not to put his full weight on his love's now frail body. He breathed deeply, taking in the scent of perfection, of completeness, of love. He hoped it would never end. All he wanted was lying beneath him, breathing in time with him, synchronized with his heartbeat.  
  
Truly, this was Love. In all its glory.  
  
As the two lay listening to each other's soft breathing, they failed to notice the approaching footfalls. Sora finally noticed a hand on the edge of the small platform and quickly rolled off of Riku and sat up. Riku sat also, wondering what had caused the moment to end so abruptly. Just as he opened his mouth, however, he was cut off by high-pitched screaming.  
  
"AHHHH! WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT OF HERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DO- Sora?" The voice commanded. "...And Riku? How the hell..."  
  
They looked to the silhouette and in the pale moonlight could barely discern who it was. Then a feeling of overwhelming dread filled Sora's heart. It was Kairi.  
  
"Oh my God! What are you two doing here? This is just... Amazing!" she exclaimed, beaming at them.  
  
"Yeah... It was." Riku cast a sidelong glance at Sora, half-smiling.  
  
"Huh?" She looked at him inquisitively for a moment, then shrugged it off and turned to Sora. "So how did you get here? Did you find each other and a way to get back?"  
  
"Not really..." Sora sighed. "I just kinda... Woke up here. And then I found Riku. It's all been pretty weird. I dunno how to explain it." He looked at her, hoping that would suffice. She seemed satisfied and looked around the small tower.  
  
"Hey, um, what are your shirts doing over there? You guys weren't..." She looked at them suspiciously.  
  
"Well, actually-" Riku began, but an elbow to the ribs cut him off.  
  
"NO! Of course not! Nothing like that! Ha, you're such a kidder, Kairi." Sora smiled in a nothing-is-wrong-everything-is-great-I-didn't-do- /anything/ kind of way at her, as Riku looked at him annoyed.  
  
"Oh... Kay..." Kairi smiled in an unconvinced way, but did not pressure them further. "I was just going to ask if you were gonna go swimming without me." Sora turned a bit red as she smiled. "Anyway, why don't we go back to the main island? I'm sure everyone's gonna be anxious to see you again."  
  
"No, we don't want to disturb them this late. We'll just sleep in the treehouse tonight." Sora yawned for effect.  
  
"Ok, we have a lot to catch up on anyway. We could stay up all night talking. It'll be just like old times." She smiled at them.  
  
"Naw, Kairi. You never slept in the treehouse with us! That was me and Riku time. Besides, I need to talk to him alone for a while anyway. We can talk all day tomorrow." He smiled warmly at her. Riku decided it was best to keep quiet. He kind of liked the direction this was headed, but at the same time he didn't like lying to Kairi, especially about something like... well, something like /that/. Who knows what the hell runs through that pretty head of his sometimes?  
  
Both Riku and Kairi listened to Sora with rapt attention, wondering where he was going with all of this. When Sora said no more, she smiled at him, giving up on trying to worm anything out of him. She'd wait until tomorrow.  
  
"Well, I guess you guys are tired, then. I'll go home and leave you alone." Kairi smiled and started to descend the ladder.  
  
"Thanks, Kairi. We'll talk tomorrow, ok? I'll tell you all about what I've been doing." Sora smiled and followed her. 'Well, maybe not /everything/.' He thought.  
  
The three made their way to the other side of the island, separating at the ramp leading up to the secret place. They said their good-byes as Kairi went to her boat and the two boys ascended the ladder to the treehouse.  
  
Once inside, Riku rounded on Sora, crossing his arms. "What the hell was that all about?"  
  
Sora looked a bit taken aback by his friend's sudden outburst. "What was what all about?" he asked indignantly.  
  
"'You guys weren't-''NO! Nothing like that!'" Riku mocked in a high-pitched voice. "Why did you lie to her, Sora? She's our friend, she has a right to know."  
  
"Yeah, well..." Sora looked at his feet.  
  
"Well nothing! Sora... Oh no. You don't think she's still hung up over you, do you? It's been two years! She's probably moved on."  
  
"Well, we were hung up over each other for sixteen years." He looked at his love innocently.  
  
"True." Riku uncrossed his arms. "But then again, I thought I'd never have you, she, on the other hand, was sure you'd be together." He laughed. "Boy was /she/ ever wrong!"  
  
"Shut up!" Sora pushed him playfully.  
  
Riku returned the shove. "Make me."  
  
Their words soon turned to a wrestling match, ending with Sora pinning Riku, straddling his hips and holding his wrists over his head. The two breathed heavily, their faces a mere inch or so apart. Sora looked down at his lover lustfully, but it was Riku who lifted his head to close the gap. The other deepened the kiss, bringing his hands down from Riku's wrists to his neck and then his sides.  
  
Riku moved his lips from Sora's and kissed his neck and shoulders, licking and nipping his soft skin. Sora enjoyed this greatly and began to grind his hips in a suggestive manner. "Sora..." Riku moaned disapprovingly.  
  
Sora rolled his eyes and sighed in mock exasperation. "Fine." He rolled off of his partner and onto his side, pressing Riku's back close to his chest. He buried his face in his love's silver hair, nuzzling his neck. "I love you anyway." He laughed lightly.  
  
"I love you too, you irrepressible idiot." They both laughed. Sora squeezed Riku tightly to himself. 'Mine.' He smiled. They lay in the pale moonlight, sharing another one of those perfect moments where time seemed to stop, and they were the only two people in the world. He was just about to fall asleep when Riku spoke.  
  
"We're going to have to tell her eventually, you know." Riku sighed.  
  
"I know." Sora's eyes showed mixed hope and despair. "I know." 'But I don't want to lose you. Not again. Never again.' He kissed the back of Riku's neck a few times and rubbed his arm with his hand. "Eventually. We'll tell her."  
  
"It has to be done, Sora. I don't want this to be a secret forever."  
  
"It won't be. Not forever, anyway. I swear we'll tell her. We'll tell them all." 'Just not yet.' Sora heaved a deep sigh. "Just go to sleep now, love. We'll worry about it in the morning."  
  
"Fine." Riku closed his eyes and Sora followed suit. Now he had things to think about and keep him awake all night.  
  
+++  
  
Awww... They're so cute! I wanna hold them! ^___^  
  
Anyways, about Sora. I've given him a 'everything's fine as long as I'm accepted' mentality. I kinda think it works for him. You may notice a pattern as far as the love scenes go. Riku always starts them, but it's Sora who wants to take them to the next level. He respects Riku, though, and stops when asked. Now he's afraid of... No, I dun wanna give away the plot. Oh well. It's 2:30 and I've got work tomorrow. I swear, if anyone tries to jam anymore Christmas cheer down my throat, I'ma bite their hand right off. Damned department stores and their holiday sales. LEAVE ME ALONE! Children, don't let your parents be mean to cashiers. Who knows, it might be me. 


	5. Give It Time

Disclaimer: I'm done disclaiming.  
  
Just breathe. Just believe. Another day. I'm used to it by now.  
  
For some reason I really liked the part where Riku called Sora an 'irrepressible idiot.' I have this belief that when people are really close they can make fun of each other and take no offense. It's a sign of intimacy and closeness. The two are confident in their relationship. They know each other's flaws and have come to accept and even embrace them. I have a relationship like that with my friends. It is not uncommon for us to call each other sluts or whores or completely insane. Our usual greeting is "Ew, it's you." And I love it. The laughter and then the comfortable silence that follows. You know they would never intentionally hurt you. An unspoken bond that will never be broken, even if you go away. And you both know that it's deep. Deeper than the ocean. No words needed.  
  
Also, here's my take on sex: It's special. It's not something that just happens. I know a lot of people are out there with loose morals and shit, and I don't care. It's their body. But I feel that if you want to have sex, you should be ready to die for that person. With all the STDs and other stuff going around, you could get a horrible disease, even a fatal one, like AIDS. You could get yourself or the girl you're with pregnant. That's a big decision. I know a girl who had an abortion and now she's pregnant again. She's 16. That scares me. She thought she was going to marry the guy she was with. Ha. He left her. Now she's stuck with a baby and no one to turn to. I don't know if I should blame her for being naïve, but what she did was dumb. You'd think that after suffering the mental and physical pain of abortion she wouldn't go and do something like that again. But some people are dumb.  
  
But I digress.  
  
I've instilled in Riku my moral views of sex and intimacy. No sex until you're absolutely sure you'll be with that person forever. If there's the smallest doubt in your mind, don't. And that goes for everything. And Riku's having doubts. It may not show yet, but he is. Sora's behavior bothers him. Sora has one of those 'it's talked about so highly so I must be great' or even 'we'd better hurry up and do this so we can be closer' dealies going on. It'll all fall together or apart in due time. Just be patient. I tend to drag things out. And I'm going to do something horrible to either Sora or Riku (haven't decided yet), but it will bring them closer together. Don't hate me.  
  
If we sleep together, will I like you better?  
  
+++  
  
Sora woke with the first rays of sunlight. He didn't want Kairi to come in and find them wrapped in each other's arms. He released his gentle hold on Riku and sat up, looking at the pale boy in the faint light. Riku rolled over in his sleep and faced Sora, a small moan escaping him. Sora smiled and brushed some of the long silver strands from his love's eyes. The red morning light reflected off the older boy's fair skin, making him positively glow.  
  
"My angel." Sora stroked his arm, resting his hand at last on Riku's cheek. The other stirred and sleepily opened his eyes. "Sleep well?"  
  
"Mmm." Riku sighed and smiled up at the other boy. "Best sleep in two years."  
  
"Good." Sora kissed him lightly on his forehead and ran his fingers through the soft silvery locks. "I hope you feel that way every night."  
  
"As long as you're here." Riku gave Sora a chaste kiss on his lips and hugged him close to his body. Sora sighed contentedly into the other's neck.  
  
"Time to get up, I suppose." He released the hold he had on Riku's waist and stood up. "The others will be here soon."  
  
"It's only dawn, love. Come back to sleep." Riku propped himself up on his elbows. "Or don't you want them to find us in a 'compromising position'?" Sora flushed and Riku laughed. "Come on, they're going to have to find out some how." Riku crossed over to the younger boy and wrapped his arms around him from behind, kissing his neck.  
  
"Not like that!" Sora protested, but moved his hand up to entwine itself in Riku's long hair. "I want them to be told, not to just... Walk in on us or something."  
  
Another laugh from Riku. "So when are we going to tell them?" He nipped at Sora's shoulder.  
  
Sora looked out at the ocean from the small treehouse door. "I don't know," he said simply. "Eventually... It'll just happen."  
  
Riku let go of Sora and turned him around with a hand on each shoulder. "Sora, if we keep this a secret, eventually they /will/ just walk in on us. I don't want us to be a secret. I really don't." He hugged Sora again. "I want everyone to know that you're mine."  
  
Sora sighed, rubbing his lover's back in soothing circles. "I know you do. Just give it time, love. Give it time."  
  
Riku relaxed and couldn't help but give in. "Alright, I'll trust your judgement for now, but please Sora, listen to me. A love can only remain a secret for so long before it is exposed, and often violently so. I don't want you to hurt anymore. And I don't want to hurt either. I love you. I don't want to lose you."  
  
Sora was moved by the earnest in Riku's words. He was right. It couldn't be secret forever. Someday they would all know, and he both dreaded and awaited that day.  
  
He looked into Riku's eyes and walked away, putting his shirt back on. "I guess we should wait for them, then." He sat down in the back of the small room, leaning against the wall.  
  
"I guess so." Riku smiled and did the same. They dreamily watched the entrance until Kairi poked her head in.  
  
"Good morning, you two!"  
  
+++  
  
I know, it was short, but my attention span is nada right now. This is getting so fluffy. +pets the fluffiness+ Hmm. Well, I'm still working on things. This fic has a final destination now, but I'm still thinking about the in-between parts. I don't know if you should expect another update too soon. This next scene is giving me problems. Meh. 


	6. It's Ok

One by one I got nothin' to hide. Hey, don't let it go to waste. I love it but I hate the taste.  
  
I've got most of this figured out. Forgive me if it's weird, ok? I've decided whose heart I'm going to rip out. Don't be mad. It all works out. "As soon as you walk through that door, you'll feel right as rain." I'M GOING TO DROWN THEM ALL! MUAHAHAHA! No, no I'm not. Just kidding. I was just thinking that for some reason and started laughing. Bwehehe. And as I was writing this first part, I just kept thinking, 'where the hell am I going with this? Stupid characters think they're alive up there in my brain. Don't you know you have no free will?!' Oh well.  
  
+++  
  
Kairi hopped into the room, her usual over-exuberant self once again. "So, you guys ready to go back?"  
  
"Sure." Sora stood and stretched, a wide grin spreading on his face. "C'mon, Riku. I'm anxious to see everyone again!"  
  
Riku sighed a smile and held out his hand. Sora helped him up and Riku dusted himself off. "Let's go then."  
  
The trio walked out of the treehouse and down to the small dock where Kairi's boat and one other were tethered. "I'll take my boat. You guys don't mind sharing, do you?" Kairi smiled at them and giggled innocently.  
  
"Sure, no problem." Sora grinned and hopped into the boat, slapping his knee and inviting Riku to sit in his lap. Riku stifled a laugh at Sora's willing expression and took a seat facing him. He laughed out loud at his friend's confused look and stuck his tongue out. Sora then laughed too and tossed Riku the oars, his eyes saying 'two can play at this game.'  
  
The three rowed to the island with the dwellings on it laughing and joking the whole way. Sora kept looking into Riku's eyes and blushing. He wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps this was what love did? It made him feel weak in a good way. 'He has such pretty eyes.'  
  
"You're beautiful." Sora whispered. It was Riku's turn to blush.  
  
"So are you." They both smiled.  
  
"Huh? Who's what?" Kairi interrupted.  
  
"Huh, oh, nothing!" Sora smiled at her in a happy-go-lucky way. Kairi rolled her eyes but smiled back.  
  
"Honestly, Sora, you're so weird sometimes!" She giggled.  
  
"Well some things can't be helped." Riku laughed and shoved Sora playfully.  
  
"Hey! I don't appreciate being made fun of by such attractive people. It's bad for my self-esteem." Sora crossed his arms and pouted, trying not to laugh as well.  
  
"'Attractive'? I thought I was beautiful." Riku joked; raising that stakes a bit.  
  
"'Beautiful'? Who would say that to /you/?" Sora laughed, looking at Riku rather oddly.  
  
"I dunno. Why don't /you/ tell /me/?" Riku challenged.  
  
"Eh heh, I dunno what you mean." Sora looked at him intensely, tilting his head toward Kairi every so often.  
  
"Nevermind." Riku grinned. "Just messin' with ya." He said too low for the girl to hear.  
  
They reached one of the many docks on the larger island and got out of their boats. Sora stretched again. "So, where is everybody? Like Tidus and Wakka and Selphie and our parents?"  
  
Kairi's smile faded. "Sora..." She turned around, looking out to the sea. "About... About your parents..."  
  
Sora felt his stomach drop. 'God, no.' "What about them?"  
  
Kairi seemed worried by his sudden monotone voice, but continued. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to be the one to have to tell you, but I can't just stand here and lie to you. Sora, I-"  
  
"When did it happen?" His face was devoid of emotion.  
  
"Two years ago." Her gaze on the ocean never faltered. "When everyone was returning to the island. So many... It didn't seem to matter what your condition was; they just appeared back here. We found..." Her voice showed slight strain. "We found your parents on your doorstep." She winced, not wanting to tell him about the battered condition they had been in. "There was nothing we could do. We had a burial at sea for them. After that... You know how much they meant to this island; how much you, both of you, meant. After that, the light seemed to disappear from this place. And I hated it for that. We all missed you. All of you. It just wasn't the same. Sora-" She reached to hold him, but he stopped her.  
  
"It's ok, Kairi. Just... Leave me. I'll be fine." He turned around and began to walk away.  
  
"Sora." She started to cry, calling after his back. "Sora!"  
  
He broke into a run, just trying to get away. He didn't want to talk to her. It was painful enough just to see her again. Go. Just go. She started to run after him, but was stopped again, this time by Riku.  
  
"Don't." He sighed, staring after him. "Just leave him."  
  
Kairi looked up at him through her tears. "You're right. You go." She hugged him as he placed an uncertain hand on her back. "I'm so glad he has you."  
  
"What do you mean, 'has me'?" He looked down at her, trying not to give away what Sora so desperately wanted to keep secret.  
  
She smiled. "I know. I'm not the fool you take me for. Women are very perceptive about these things. Don't worry, I support you. I'm so glad you have each other." She hugged him tighter.  
  
"Good." He smiled too. "Good. Sora was worried. He didn't want anyone to know. Especially not you. I guess he was worried that you still had feelings for him."  
  
"I do. You always carry a torch for your first love. But the feeling of hopelessness your absence left on the island made me think he wouldn't come back. I moved on. I even had a 'thing' with Tidus for a while. Didn't work out." She smiled. "I just want him to be happy now. He'll be happy with you. He always has been."  
  
She let go of him and looked up into his eyes, determined. "Go to him. Go to him, Riku. Love will find a way to comfort him."  
  
Riku nodded and smiled at her before taking off in the direction Sora had gone.  
  
+++  
  
So sad! Oh well. I've got plans for next chapter, so expect it soon, unless something unforeseen comes up.  
  
BTW: What do uke and seme mean? If they mean dominant and submissive, then Lito, you'll just have to wait. I /do/ have plans for the lemon. Yay! But I think I'll keep the story PG-13 and just send the lemon to whoever wants it when the time comes. Nighty-night! 


	7. Don't Stop

I must EXPLODE THE SALES! The pop-up told me so.  
  
I'm hot. Stupid weather. Stupid air conditioner. I had the strong urge to use lyrics from 'Simple and Clean', but resisted because it's so terribly cliché by now.  
  
Hello, I've waited here for you, Everlong.  
  
Breathe out, so I can breathe you in,  
  
Hold you in, and now, I know you've always been  
  
Out of your head, out of my head I sing.  
  
It's not so bad. You're only the best I ever had.  
  
+++  
  
Riku found Sora sitting at the edge of one of the longer docks on the island, the dock behind his home. His body was still, and no sound escaped him. The blazing sun reflected off the dark leather of his pants and brought out the highlights in his hair. Despite his wretched state, he looked strong, even beautiful. A sad, perfect beauty. The older boy approached as quietly as possible, but the sound of his feet on the wood was inevitable.  
  
"Go away, Kairi." His voice did not sound strained, or hurt, or even upset. His tone was matter-of-fact, as if he said that everyday. It was so strange to see him unfeeling like that. Riku was reminded oddly of himself and gave an involuntary shudder.  
  
"Sora..." He said, barely audible. The figure turned to face him, and Riku's heart sank.  
  
Sora's eyes were red, his face stained with tears. He looked as if he had been crying for days, not minutes. Riku sank to his knees next to the boy, wanting to hold him and tell him everything would be all right. Sora grabbed him tight around the waist and cried openly into his shoulder, the sobs racking his body. Riku stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head.  
  
"I'm so sorry. I know how much they meant to you. I'm sorry." Riku only wanted to comfort his fallen angel. The perfection of his mind was rippling and fading. Something worse than just his parents' deaths was destroying him. Riku could swear he heard his heart breaking.  
  
"I... It's... I never.... I never got to say goodbye. I never... All this time... I thought they would be... Here. I thought everyone would. I've been so naïve. So stupid. Riku... Nothing lasts forever, does it?" It was a rhetorical question. He sobbed out the words, but the last few held a cold finality. He seemed dead-set in this truth. If only...  
  
"Some things can. Sora... They're looking after you, you know that. They'll always be with you. You'll never be alone. I'll always be here. I love you, nothing can change that." He hugged the boy closer, but Sora pushed away.  
  
"Yes it can. People change, feelings change. How do I know you'll always be there?"  
  
"Because I say I will. Trust me, Sora. Trust me like I trust you."  
  
Sora looked deep into his eyes. There was no doubt there. He only saw love, determination, and strength. His tears now flowed silently down his cheeks. "I...." He buried his face in Riku's chest. "I trust you. I love you, Riku."  
  
As he lay cradled in Riku's strong arms, Sora realized this was all he really needed. Just to be with him. Nothing more. They didn't need to speak, or kiss, or anything else, just to be together. To stay like this forever.  
  
They sat like that for what felt like an eternity. Sora finally stopped crying, though his eyes were still a bit red. Riku kissed them, stroking Sora's unruly hair. Sora sighed and wrapped his arms around his love's shoulders, sinking into him. "I thought..." He began, hoping to find some coherence in his thoughts. "I just thought that... They'd still love me, no matter what happened. When we come out, I thought that even if everyone else hated us, they'd still be there. They'd accept us. That's why I loved them so much, because they loved me unconditionally. But now I realize that even if no one else will be there, I'll still have you. All I need is you. I never want you to hurt again. I never want to be apart. Please stay with me, until I die."  
  
'If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.'  
  
"I will. God help me, I will." Riku kissed the younger, fragile boy lightly, cupping his face in his hands. Sora naturally deepened the kiss, leaning into the other's warmth, hoping they would never be separated. He gently pushed Riku onto his back, subconsciously drawing up that need to dominate, that possessive nature he had about things that were 'his'.  
  
Slowly, he moved his hands under his lover's shirt, exploring the smooth flesh beneath the restricting fabric. He straddled him, sitting up to remove his own shirt, then leaning back down again to kiss Riku's lips passionately, his tongue sliding past the willing lips to explore the damp warmth inside. His hands once again found their way underneath the other's clothing and began to slide it off.  
  
"Sora..." Riku breathed hotly into the other's ear. Sora froze. He knew where this was leading. He ceased his actions and began to get off when he felt a hand grab his wrist. "Don't stop."  
  
+++  
  
+deep breath+ AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! That wasn't supposed to be where the lemon started! RAGH! I /told/ you they think they're alive or something. Grr. +kicks Riku in his shin+  
  
Riku: OW! What was that for?  
  
Me: You're supposed to /stop/ him, not egg him on!  
  
Riku: Oops.  
  
Me: Oh well. Boy, they're getting... Brave. Outside, and in broad daylight? Damn. Anyway, I'm not going to risk getting this taken off ff.net, so the lemon (I pronounce it lay-mon for effect) will not be posted here. If you want it, e-mail me (pitiful@earthling.net) and I'll send it as an attachment. DO NOT FEAR THE ATTACHMENT! I usually delete e-mails with attachments immediately for fear of viruses, but you guys know me, right? I'd never send you anything harmful. Lalala...  
  
I would die for you  
  
I would die for you  
  
I've been dyin' just to feel you by my side  
  
To know that you're mine  
  
I would cry for you  
  
I would cry for you  
  
I will wash away your pain with all my tears  
  
And drown your fears  
  
I would burn for you  
  
Feel pain for you  
  
I will twist the knife and bleed my achin' heart  
  
And tear it apart  
  
I believe in you  
  
I would die for you.  
  
-Number One Crush 


	8. Don't Tell

And I wonder, when I sing along with you  
  
If everything could ever be this real forever  
  
If anything could ever be this good again  
  
The only thing I'll ever ask of you:  
  
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when.  
  
I wish everyone didn't hate me so much; especially for things that aren't my fault in the first place. It gets so hard to suppress these thoughts sometimes.  
  
If we were our bodies, If we were our futures, If we were our defenses, I'd be joining you.  
  
+++  
  
Riku breathed deeply, taking in the clean scent of the sea mingled with the musty odor his and Sora's bodies which were so closely bound together. He ran his fingers through the sleeping boy's hair, smiling at the look of peace on his face. 'So childlike, but when he opens those eyes...'  
  
The older boy hoped that Sora's eyes were no longer tearstained, but now rested. He looked out to the ocean and noticed that it was nearly sunset. 'Wow, have we really been asleep that long?' He gently rolled the younger boy off of himself and dressed. Sora moaned in his sleep and turned over, the setting sun's light illuminating every curve and muscle with a soft glow.  
  
Riku smiled at the sight and leaned in to kiss his love. Sora reflexively reached up and wrapped his arms around Riku's shoulders, pulling him closer. "Want another go?" He teased.  
  
"Maybe later." Riku smiled and kissed him lightly. "Right now, you should probably get dressed." Sora looked at the older boy's clothed form and then down at his naked body.  
  
"Yeah, probably should." He grinned and put his clothes back on. When he was dressed, he slipped his arms around Riku's waist. "Your hair looks rather rumpled." He smiled, kissing his lover's neck softly.  
  
"Hm. Not the first time." He replied. They both laughed lightly. "Well, should we go?"  
  
"Go where?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't really want to sleep in that treehouse again. It's been so long since I've lain in a real bed." He sighed. The mere thought of a soft mattress and pillows made him feel fuzzy.  
  
"We could stay at Kairi's, I guess." Sora suggested.  
  
"No, she doesn't have an extra room... Hey, why don't we stay at my place? My folks will be glad to see us back." Though he had no brothers or sisters, Riku was careful not to say 'parents'.  
  
"That sounds good. We could sleep in your room." He put on a sly smile. "But, uh, won't your parents, um, /hate/ you if you tell them we're in love?"  
  
"Yep." He replied casually. "But they don't have to know that yet, do they?" He kissed Sora quickly on the cheek.  
  
"Hey, weren't you the one who wanted to tell the whole world about us?" Sora questioned indignantly.  
  
"Yeah, but not at the cost of free room and board." He laughed heartily, releasing Sora and running down the boardwalk. Sora chased him, laughing as well.  
  
They eventually found Kairi again. She was sitting on a post at the shore- end of a pier, smiling at them. "So, did you work everything out?" She winked at Riku.  
  
"Huh?" Sora blinked. What was /that/ all about?  
  
"Yep, everything's fine now." He winked back at her and nudged Sora with his elbow, whom laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head.  
  
"Um, if you don't mind me asking, what are you talking about?" Sora cocked an eyebrow and smiled uncertainly at them.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Should probably tell you. Kairi knows." Riku grinned at him.  
  
"WHAT?! You /told/? Riku, I thought-"  
  
"He didn't /tell/ me," Kairi interrupted, "I figured it out on my own. I guess I knew for a while, but now it was just so /obvious/." She smiled at him.  
  
"So you're ok with it?" He looked at her hesitantly.  
  
"Oh, yeah! I got over you a /long/ time ago, Sora." She laughed and pushed him playfully. He laughed too, and they moved off the subject. "So, what're your plans for tonight?" She asked coyly.  
  
"Well, we were thinking about going to my parent's house tonight." Riku answered.  
  
Kairi's reaction was the same as Sora's. "Yo-You're not going to... To /tell/ them, are you?" She looked at him wide-eyed.  
  
"Of course not!" He replied defensively. "Not yet, anyway."  
  
"Ok." She calmed down. "Just be careful, you two. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you; not when you've waited so long to be together."  
  
"Thanks, Kairi." Riku smiled warmly at her. She was a true-blue friend.  
  
"C'mon, I'll take you there. It'll be better if I tell them first, or else they're liable to freak out thinking you're ghosts if you just appear on their doorstep in the middle of the night."  
  
The pair followed her to the door of Riku's home. It was a modest, two- story beach house, with many large windows and a wooden front door. The sun was still setting when Kairi knocked cautiously.  
  
"Kairi! What are you doing here so late?" Riku's mother answered the door, her black hair done up in a loose bun, seagreen eyes showing concern for the girl.  
  
"I have something to tell you... Well, show you, actually. Please promise you won't freak out." Kairi bit her lip.  
  
"'Freak out'? Why would I do that? I'll be fine, dear." She smiled warmly.  
  
"Ok. Um, guys? You can come out now." She called around the door. Riku and Sora stepped out slowly, careful not to make close contact with each other in a time of extreme nervousness.  
  
"R.. R-Riku? Is that my Riku? And Sora! My God! How did you...? Oh God!" She rushed out of the door, hugging both of them tightly, showering Riku with motherly kisses. "I've missed you so much! Oh, my son! You've returned at last!"  
  
She pulled them all inside and sat them at the kitchen table, putting a kettle on the stove to make tea. "What's all this noise about?" Riku's father came pounding down the stairs, cleaning off his glasses. His blue eyes squinted in the general direction of the kitchen as he ran a hand through his short, silver-white hair. "Do we have company at this late hour? I thought I said no more-"  
  
"Look who's here, dear!" His mother stood and gestured at their son and his companions. Riku stood out of respect.  
  
"Hello, Father." He bowed, waiting for a reply.  
  
"Riku." His father replaced his glasses and looked at the tall boy, no, man, standing in his kitchen. "Is that really you?" He scrutinized the other with his eyes, surveying every aspect of him, as if people came in every day pretending to be his lost son. "Hm. Untidy as ever. That's my son." He placed a large hand on Riku's shoulder. "Good to see you again." He smiled, but there was no warmth in those pale, blue eyes.  
  
"Thank you, sir." Riku replied automatically and sat down. His mother noticed the tension in the air and quickly spoke up.  
  
"Well, would you like some tea or would you rather go to bed?" She smiled at them.  
  
"I'm kinda tired." Sora yawned. "Where can I sleep?"  
  
"Oh, why, Riku's room, of course. You don't mind, do you dear?" She placed a gentle hand on Riku's back.  
  
"Not at all."  
  
"Good! Well, if you're sleepy, then I guess you should go. We can talk in the morning." They said their goodnights and bid Kairi farewell. Riku's parents went to their bedroom as the boys proceeded down the hall to theirs.  
  
Riku cautiously pushed open the door to reveal his room exactly the way he had left it. Well, a bit cleaner, of course, but still in essence exactly the same. "Leave it to mom." He smiled. "Well, I guess they forgot that there's only one bed in here." He smirked at his companion.  
  
"I can always sleep on the floor." Sora joked, finding a nice spot to lay down.  
  
"Hey, I don't want you messing up my clean floor!" He picked up the younger boy a dropped him on the bed. Riku shut the door and climbed on top of Sora. "I'd rather have you mess up my bed sheets." He kissed Sora deeply, pulling his body close.  
  
"Whatever you say." He breathed into his lover's neck. They turned on their sides and Sora lay cradling Riku to his chest. Not soon after, they had both fallen asleep.  
  
+++  
  
Don't you just love those 'aww' moments?  
  
"...The next scene, 'The Lovers are Discovered!'" Ok, the next chapter won't really be sappy or fluffy, but more angsty and dark. I'm going to use some slurs. Please don't take offense if you're homosexual. I'm bi too, don't forget. I, uh, yeah. Riku's dad is an ass. If you haven't figured it out yet, believe me, you will soon. Stupid closed-minded bastard. Why do you think Riku wanted to leave that damn island so badly? More reasons to 'hate this place', with all his heart. Oh well.  
  
This one's for my lover  
  
The one who had to suffer  
  
Well here I am  
  
Don't even bother.  
  
Well you can freak out about me. 


	9. Too Late

Don't you love the life you killed  
  
The Priest is on the phone  
  
Your father hit the wall  
  
Your ma disowned you  
  
Don't suppose I'll ever know  
  
What it means to be a man  
  
Something I can't change  
  
I'll live around it.  
  
In the middle of the night/head on my pillow/looking like a little ghost/Seems like all of the things/ that you gave me mother/have all gone up in smoke/In the middle of the night/you don't know what I'm thinking/but still the stars do sparkle and shine/Seems like all of the time/our boat was slowly sinking/you didn't even seem to mind///Now all I wanna do/Is sleep.  
  
DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!  
  
Ok, um, I don't want to change the rating of the whole fic for one dinky chapter, so I'm gonna give you fair warning.  
  
THERE WILL BE MUCH CURSING IN THIS CHAPTER. SLURS /WILL/ BE USED. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE I MUST STRESS THAT YOU DO /NOT/ READ THIS CHAPTER BUT READ THE SUMMARY AT THE BOTTOM.  
  
Was that a fair enough warning?  
  
Agh, I HATE work! I have to work every damned day from now until Christmas; and they stuck me in SHOES for TWO HOURS! What the hell? I'm a cashier! Friggin' people. 'Do you have this in a 6?' I dunno. Why don't /you/ go look. You have just as good a chance as I do of finding the damned thing. And those people work on commission, so then I feel bad. I feel like I'm stealing from them. So they give me a list with their numbers and...  
  
Oh, wait. I'm ranting, aren't I?  
  
Might as well rant about the story. I had a hard time deciding the timeframe for this. Yeah. I couldn't figure out if I should do it immediately or let them have a few days to settle in before tearing everything violently apart (in fact, I'm still think about it right now. But I guess it doesn't make much of a difference.). Well for those of you with tough shells, read on and PUMP THE TECHNO MUSIC!  
  
+++  
  
That morning, Riku's mother woke up early to make breakfast for her family. She dressed in a floral-print sundress, wearing a pair of house slippers. For an older woman, she was actually quite lovely. Her thin black hair flowed down to her mid-forearm and ended in loose curls from wearing it in a bun so often. Her face was gentle and loving. Her eyes, which she had passed on to her son, were full of joy. She had small laugh lines around her eyes and mouth. Her lips were thin and naturally rosy in hue. It was easy to see where Riku got his beauty from.  
  
She sighed as she looked over at her sleeping husband. Even asleep, he looked quite dangerous. He was tall and thick. Not fat, but muscular. The silver hair his son had inherited from him was short, the longest part ending just above his ears while the rest was tapered to his neck. His eyelids concealed a pair of cold, pale blue eyes. His forehead was wrinkled from worry and most likely scowling. She wondered what had attracted her to him in the first place. He had an odd way of showing affection and seemed to shut out everyone but his family.  
  
'But he shuts out Riku too.' She looked at him sadly. He even seemed to dislike their only child. Riku never seemed good enough for him. Even though he had the best fighting skills of any of the children on the island (before his disappearance, anyway) and a perfect record at school, there always seemed to be some kind of flaw in him that no one could see but his father. She hated him for that, but she mused that somewhere deep down, he truly loved their son.  
  
She sighed again and left the room, deciding to see how her son and his friend were doing. She crept silently to the door and pushed it open. She was both amused and afraid by what met her eyes.  
  
It was a bit before dawn, but a little bit of sunlight peeked through the window to reveal Riku and Sora lying in each other's arms. At first she assumed it was a friendly embrace. After all, they had probably been apart those past two years and were glad to be together again. But she was not dumb, and slowly let it sink in that they were lovers. This didn't bother her; she loved her son and only wanted him to be happy. 'But... What will his father say?' She was just about to speak up and tell them to stop when she heard footsteps coming down the hall.  
  
Too late.  
  
"What are you staring at, dear?" He inquired of his wife's position at the doorway and was soon at her side. He, however, did not react with as much compassion as she had.  
  
He marched into the room, grabbing his son by the shoulders and throwing him to the ground. Sora sat straight up in shock. He looked over to the woman in the hallway and got out as quickly as possible. "Shit." He muttered under his breath as he left.  
  
Riku stood up and looked his father in the eye. "What the hell was that for?" He nearly yelled.  
  
"Don't you take that tone of voice with me!" He glared through his glasses. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, lying in bed with another boy? People are going to think you're a queer!"  
  
"So what if they do?" Riku matched his father's intensity, while still trying not to scream at him. "It doesn't bother me."  
  
"You have no dignity, do you? You don't give a fuck if you disgrace your family. Nancy. Your hair makes you look like a damn girl. Now you're in bed with... /him/, like that? You're becoming a fruit, aren't you?"  
  
"So what if I am? You've never seemed to care about what I did before. I guess it's only when I do something you don't like that you start taking an interest in my life." He stated calmly.  
  
"Is that what you've been doing while you were gone? You've been off with your faggot friend Sora? He's turned you into a little fairy? I never did like him. Always soft."  
  
Oh, now Riku was mad. "DON'T TALK ABOUT SORA THAT WAY!"  
  
"Why not?" Their faces were inches apart. "Why shouldn't I talk about him that way?" He sneered.  
  
"Because I love him!" Oh no, bad move, Riku, /bad/ move.  
  
'SMACK!' Riku's father backhanded his son's face, sending the boy to the floor.  
  
"I WILL NOT HAVE MY SON GALLIVANTING AROUND WITH SOME... SOME HOMO!" His teeth were gritted and one could almost feel the heat emanating from his eyes.  
  
"Well FUCK you! You don't own me! I can 'gallivant' with whomever I feel like! I don't care if you accept us or not, you homophobic bastard." Riku stood and snorted at his father.  
  
The man's rage seemed to subside and was replaced by contempt as he looked into his son's eyes. "You're right." He sneered. "I don't own you. But I do own this house, and I want you and your little fag boyfriend out of it right now."  
  
"No problem." Riku glared at him one more time before turning on his heel and walking out in a dignified manner.  
  
As he walked downstairs he spotted Sora and his mother sitting on the couch in the living room. He grabbed Sora's arm and began to drag him to the door. "We're leaving now."  
  
"Wait! What happened? I just heard a lot of yelling." Sora inquired, rooting himself to the spot.  
  
"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that we're not welcome here." Riku stared coldly into the other boy's eyes.  
  
"Wha-... He-He kicked you out? But he's your father! He's supposed to... Where will you go?" He looked at his friend with concern.  
  
"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." His mother had come to join them. "I was going to say something just before he came. I knew he'd... Oh, Riku." She threw her arms around her son, gently stroking his hair.  
  
"Hey, you can do something about this, right? I mean, you're his wife." Sora looked at her imploringly.  
  
She released her hold and turned to face the younger boy. "I wish I could." She looked down. "But... It's very complicated. As his wife, I must respect his wishes. It's how I was brought up."  
  
"Dad must have been brought up to hate people like me. I never knew what I'd done wrong. He's just always... /hated/ me." Riku looked at the floor.  
  
"He doesn't /hate/ you... He's just always held you to some impossible standard, and I guess that ruined whatever relationship you might've had." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'll still love you, dear. I just want you to be happy." She smiled kindly at him.  
  
"Thanks mom." He hugged her for a moment, then turned away. "So what do we do now?"  
  
"I don't know." She stated plainly. "You just... Go where the wind takes you. You'll find your place in time."  
  
"But... What if I want my place to be here?" He looked back at her; his eyes showed a deep sorrow and longing.  
  
"It won't be easy, not with the path you've chosen. Do you really want to be with Sora?"  
  
"Yes." He instinctively wrapped his arm around the boy's waist.  
  
"Then you have chosen a difficult path indeed." She looked out the window at the rising sun. "I wish you both the best of luck. Love is hard to find, and even harder to understand. Everything will work out someday." She looked back at them, a twinkle in her eye. "It always does."  
  
Riku nodded and took Sora's hand, leading him out of the house. They walked until they reached the dock behind Sora's house again. Riku heaved a deep sigh and sat at the end with his head in his hands. "What now?"  
  
Sora sat next to him, draping his arm around his love's waist, resting his head on his shoulder.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
+++  
  
SUMMARY! WOO! YAY! HOUPLA!  
  
Ok, big long character descriptions of Riku's parents. Notice how I have not named them. His mommy's pretty, got longer hair than Riku (it's black, BTW) and the same color eyes. She also has laugh lines and is generally happy. His dad's an ass. You can tell even when he's sleeping. Yep. Short silver hair, pale blue eyes, and worry lines on his forehead. Um, oh yeah! So, his mommy goes to check on them and sees them in a rather compromising position. She's just about to speak up when Riku's dad busts down the door and throws Riku on the ground. (Bastard!) Sora runs away (I would too. I don't like being around other people's parents when they're pissed off) and Riku's daddy is very mean to his widdle baby boy. He calls Riku some nasty things. Riku brushes it off. His dad insults Sora. Riku gets pissed and lets it slip (well, maybe not slip exactly) that he and Sora are in love. He gets backhanded and called some more nasty names. Riku says some rude things back and gets kicked out of the house. On his way out he talks to Sora and his mommy. His mommy feels all bad and stuff but says there's nothing she can do. Then she offers some weird advice and wishes them luck in finding a place to fit in. Riku drags Sora to the dock behind Sora's house and asks what they're supposed to do now. Sora doesn't know.  
  
DUN Dun duuuun, dramatic reverb! So, what new trials lay ahead for our young lovers? Will this all end tragically? Why doesn't Kairi have a damned extra bedroom? What about Sora's house? It's empty now, right (mean as it sounds)? Why don't they live there? Oh, yeah, no money. Should they get off their lazy asses and get a job? WHY DON'T YOU GET A DAMN JOB? I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANNOYING CUSTOMERS FOR 8 HOURS- oh, ranting again. Oops. Yep.  
  
"Then you have chosen a difficult path indeed."  
  
If I could turn this chapter into a movie, I would. It was a lot more violent in my head than it seems here. The fight was really horrific. I also learned that faggot means 'failure'. Go figure. Meh. I bought vol. 3 of Chobits. Gonna go read it now. Lalala...  
  
Your voice is small and fading  
  
And you're hiding here alone  
  
And your Mother loves your Father  
  
Cuz she's got nowhere to go  
  
And she wonders where these dreams go  
  
Cuz the world got in her way  
  
What's the point in ever trying?  
  
Nothing's changing anyway. 


	10. One Way to Find Out

I can't use what I can't abuse  
  
And I can't stop when it comes to you  
  
I may've died.  
  
Lalala... This is Halloween! Ok, sorry, listening to Nightmare Before Christmas theme. Wee!  
  
SHIMBO IS HOT! +must find way to break Shimbo and Ms. Shimizu up+ And so is Zima... And Dita's cute too, but, uh she looks like she's 12. O.o She's flatter than Kairi. +is hit by various flying objects+ WHY MUST I SUFFER FOR SPREADING TRUTH? Whatever. They're characters from Chobits, BTW.  
  
Urrgh, this chapter is giving me problems. I dunno what to write. Ok, I /kinda/ know what I want to write. "Everybody seems so happy. Have I possibly gone daffy?" Well, I think I'll write some one-shots in the meantime. I have a holiday fic planned. Not very original, but still cute. ^_^ "WHAT IS /THIS/?" Ahg, ok, Jo, stop listening to music and writing down whatever catches your attention.  
  
Damn, 10 chapters? This is the longest story I've ever written. I guess the subject has a way of keeping my attention. Or something like that.  
  
Make it stop. I wanna get off. .  
  
You learn to love the pain you feel  
  
Like Father like Son  
  
The queerest of the queer  
  
Hide inside your head  
  
The blindest of the blind  
  
The deadest of the dead  
  
You're hungry cause you starve  
  
While holding back the tears  
  
Choking on your smile  
  
A fake behind the fear  
  
The queerest of the queer  
  
I know what's good for you (You can touch me if you want)  
  
I know you're dying to (You can touch me if you want)  
  
I know what's good for you (You can touch me if you want)  
  
But you can't stop  
  
+++  
  
"This is all bullshit. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it. Is this our fate? To be alone forever?"  
  
"To be alone together. I don't know. As long as I have you, I don't really care."  
  
"Maybe you're right. Maybe we don't need anyone; anyone but each other. I love you. You'll never leave me, will you?"  
  
"Never."  
  
Riku lied back on the wooden dock and stared up at the cloudless sky. Cold, Pale blue. He snorted in defiance of the sky's cruel gaze, and looked over at /his/ sky.  
  
Sora let his legs dangle over the edge of the boardwalk, resting his elbows on his knees and looking into the clear water. A few fish swam by, grouped together for... Protection? Fun? He didn't care. 'Fish are lucky,' he sighed, 'no problems except staying alive. Just stay alive.' He turned to Riku, a sad smile on his face.  
  
"Maybe that's all we need to do. Just stay alive."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Riku continued to stare at the callous sky, contempt and even hatred in his eyes. He finally sat up, and fixed his gaze straight ahead, at the meeting of sea and sky.  
  
"It's not fucking fair. I wish I knew what his problem was. I was never good enough for him. Never. No matter what I did. I always wanted to prove myself to him. I just wanted him to love-" He turned to Sora. "That was why I wanted to leave this island in the first place. Because I didn't want to end up like him. I could feel it happening. I could just- I was locking people out, cutting myself off. When I started to lock you out..." He looked down. "I couldn't let that happen. I had to get away from here. I hated this place. I hated everything. I was getting cold. I hid my emotions, my feelings, my... Love.  
  
"That's why I wanted to build that raft. I didn't care about going to new worlds, or having an adventure. I just wanted something different. I wanted to get the hell away from what was hurting me. God, was it hurting me. I didn't hate everything about the islands, though. I liked certain people. I liked you and Kairi the most, though. That's why I wanted you to come. I don't think I knew I loved you then. Just a deep friendship. Though I /did/ know I wanted to get your attention away from Kairi. I guess I was jealous." He blushed. "You seemed to be ignoring me, too. I thought I'd done something wrong. I tried to change for you, but I just grew more distant from everything.  
  
"I couldn't go on that way, so... I didn't. When the door was opened... You have no idea how happy I was. 'Oh, good,' I thought, 'a way to get away forever.' But I couldn't do it alone. I wanted you to come with me. I waited for you. I was so scared you wouldn't come.  
  
"But you /did/ come. I cared about only two things at that moment: my escape, and you. So when you didn't, or rather, couldn't grab my hand, things kind of... Fell apart." He sighed and looked out at the ocean. "That's how things go, you know? It either falls together or apart. I wanted to go, but I wanted someone with me. And I so desperately wanted it to be you. And I /still/ didn't know I loved you." He laughed. "I'm so dense sometimes, especially about my own feelings.  
  
"I had to find you after that. You and no one else. That's when 'they' came. Maleficent, whom I thought, was in control at the time. How wrong I was. They used me. Ansem... Used me. After that, I was nothing. All I felt was hatred. And I hated you, Sora. I hated you for leaving me, though I know now that wasn't the case. I wasn't me anymore. I could barely feel myself. I... Died. I was reborn into darkness, and the darkness tore me apart. It was horrible. But then I knew, I knew it was wrong. Then I could feel you again.  
  
"And you pulled me through."  
  
He ran his hand through his hair, staring at his lap. A deep sigh escaped him as he turned back to the sky. "I thought I'd never see you again." He turned to Sora. "But I'm seeing you now, and I wouldn't give you up for anything. I was just so scared, so scared I'd end up like him."  
  
"But you're /not/ like him." Sora emphasized, putting a gentle hand on Riku's shoulder. "You have dreams, beautiful dreams." He rested his chin on the other's shoulder as well. "Dreams I want to be a part of."  
  
"You're part of all my dreams." He kissed the younger boy, sealing his words into their lives. He wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the other's chest. They sat like that in comfortable silence for a long while, Riku taking in his love's motions and scent, Sora stroking his companion's long hair.  
  
"Riku." Sora breathed gently.  
  
"Mmm?" Riku looked up.  
  
"Nothing. I just like saying your name." He smiled.  
  
"You're such a retard, Sora." Riku laughed.  
  
"Fine, then I'll just do it all the time if it annoys you." Sora retorted playfully.  
  
"What? Say my name? I could get used to that." He snuggled closer to the boy.  
  
"Ok, then I won't say it at all." Sora went stoic, trying not to laugh.  
  
"I bet I can make you say my name." He grinned mischievously and began doing "pleasurable" things to Sora. (Ok, you're perverted enough to think of what he's doing. I ain't sayin' nothin.)  
  
"Mmmm... Ah!" Sora moaned, trying to maintain his composure.  
  
"C'mon, just say it." Riku grinned.  
  
"Uh-uh. Uh... Ahh, Ah!" (You perverts! XD)  
  
"Aw, you can do it, baby."  
  
"Noouh, Ri- R- ah!"  
  
"Almost there. Just a little bit more."  
  
"R... Ri- Ri- kaaah!"  
  
"Nope, not Rika, Ri/ku/."  
  
"Rikah, Ri- Ah, oh... RIKU!"  
  
"There ya go." Riku stopped what he was doing and collapsed onto Sora, both a bit short of breath. Sora panted heavily as he rubbed his lover's back.  
  
"Daddy doesn't like it when I do that." Riku sighed into Sora's chest. They both laughed out loud.  
  
"Yeah," Sora snorted, "let's get /that/ on tape and show him."  
  
"SORA! You perv! That's why I love you." He smirked and ran a hand through his lover's hair.  
  
"Fuck you!" Sora laughed.  
  
"Ok." Riku sat up.  
  
Sora sighed. "Maybe later." He let his hand rest on the small of Riku's back.  
  
"Ah, you're no fun." The older boy collapsed again and breathed deeply.  
  
"Yeah... Whatever." He grinned. "Now, about a place to live. We can't get our own. It's not like we have money or anything..."  
  
"We could live with our friends for a while. I don't think they'd mind." Riku mumbled.  
  
"But, they don't... Know yet. How will Wakka and Tidus react?"  
  
Riku pondered this. Yes, how /would/ they react? Wakka might not really care, being as mentally damaged as he was, Riku laughed. Tidus, though... He wasn't quite sure. The guy didn't exactly seem all straight-laced, but he was hard to read sometimes. He heaved a deep sigh.  
  
"Well, I guess there's only one way to find out."  
  
+++  
  
WOO! I AM NO LONGER ON HIATUS! XD Okie, I know this took a friggin' eternity to get out, but here it is. I liked it a lot. But, you know, this means I have to work on it again. XB Beh. I've been so overworked lately. I was buying Christmas presents last night and I was about to ask the cashier if I could put it on her Sears card. Gyah. Ok, write more later. Now need sleep. Or work on other crap. +has another incredibly sappy depressing fic running through her mind which she personally loves+  
  
We were close friends  
  
Also lovers  
  
Gave everything  
  
To one another 


	11. Rubysan's Chapter

Yay! Somebody decided to write a chapter for you! A big hug goes out to Ruby-san! Please check out her profile: (type out ff.net's addy and add this tag to the end: /profile.php?userid=268429)  
  
+++  
  
Ruby-san: Well . . . Hello! *Bows to everyone reading* Since no one else offered to continue with this /super/ /kawaii/ fanfic, I figured I'd try and write it. Ummm . . . Just a warning, I've never written anything dealing with yaoi/shonen ai, so please bear with me, I'm going to try! Also, I have never played Kingdom Hearts in my life and know very little about its characters, so don't get mad if I don't portray the characters how they are in the game! ^___^ Well, anyways, I no own Kingdom Hearts or anyone in it, so don't sue. Actually, I'd prefer it if you DID sue . . . I've been meaning to get rid of these heavy textbooks . . .. Well, on with the story!!  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Sora and Riku walked hand in hand towards Tidus and Wakka's house. "I wonder what they're going to say . . . . ." Sora muttered, as if to himself.  
  
Riku answered anyway. "Well, If they're truly our friends, we've got nothing to worry about!" He said, trying his best to sound optimistic, but he thought inwardly, 'I really hope they do accept us . . .. I'd hate to lose our friends, as well as my parents, just because we love each other . . ..'  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ Flash to Kairi ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Kairi sighed worriedly. "Those two . . .." she uttered quietly. "I hope they're okay . . . . . They make such a cute couple, I'd hate to see it ruined . . .. It's too bad that Riku's parents don't accept them . . .. Although, I was kind of expecting it . . .." Kairi knew about what happened because when she had gone over to Riku's house, hoping to talk to them, Riku's mother answered the door and blurted out the entire thing while sniffling pitifully.  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ Flash back to Sora and Riku ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
They reached Tidus and Wakka's house much too early for Riku's tastes. They walked slowly up the steps to their house trying not to make any noise whatsoever. Then Sora smiled and said, "Well, we don't have anything to lose except a couple of friends, so come on!" and with that Sora knocked on the door, hoping for the best.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Ruby-san: Sorry the chapter is so short!! I didn't really have a chance to right all that much, but I promise the next chapter I write will be longer!!! Oh yeah!! HELLO, I CAN'T WRITE THIS THING ON MY OWN!!! I NEED SOME HELP PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! All you have to do is e-mail pitiful@earthling.net and ask her if you can write the chapters too!!!! Please, I need some help here!!!! 


	12. Tehani's Chapter

Yeah! Here's Tehani's chappie! Um, I dunno the link to her profile, and I wanted to hurry up and get this out! Well, yeah. Here ya go dears! +hugs Tehani+  
  
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Aww! Poor Ruby-san! You're not alone! I haven't beaten KH but I've played it a few times. I think you did a fantastic job Ruby-san! ^-^  
  
Anyways, on with da story...  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
As Sora and Riku waited for someone to answer the door, Sora couldn't help but worry.  
  
"What if they don't accept us, Riku?" Sora asked, nervously.  
  
"Don't worry about it Sora. It's best we tell them now, rather than later. Besides, it's too late now." Riku smirked slightly.  
  
Sora was slightly puzzled as to why Riku seemed happy about this. Sora didn't have time to dwell on this thought, because the door finally opened.  
  
Wakka and Tidus stood in the doorway. They smiled at the two boys in their doorway.  
  
"Yo, wha's up?" Wakka asked.  
  
"Wakka, Tidus, me and Sora have something to tell you guys. Can we come in?" Sora looked at Tidus and Wakka, hoping that they would accept them.  
  
"Sure. Come in!" Wakka stated as he moved to the side, letting Riku and Sora in.  
  
Once they all settled down on the couch, Tidus looked at Riku and Sora questioningly. There was a long silence for several minutes. No one had decided to speak. Finally, Tidus decided to break the silence with a question.  
  
"So, what did you guys wanna tell us?"  
  
"Oh...right...well...we...It's... " Sora couldn't find the right way to say this.  
  
"Me and Sora are gay." Riku flat out said. He grabbed Sora's hand and held it in his own, squeezing it gently.  
  
"WHA'!?!? I can't b'lieve it! My frien's 're gay!? Wha's up wit' dat?!" Wakka continued yelling at the two boys.  
  
Sora looked about ready to burst into tears. They continued holding hands. Finally Tidus decided to stop Wakka's screaming.  
  
"Wakka, stop this! Riku and Sora have decided what they wanted to be and I think that's great! You should be happy and supportive for them."  
  
Wakka angrily stated. " I'm outta here."  
  
After Wakka had stormed out of the house, cursing under his breath, Tidus, Sora, and Riku sat in silence. Tidus didn't really know what to say at the time.  
  
"Thank you, Tidus." Sora said as he looked up at the other boy. Tidus smiled.  
  
"You're welcome. Listen, about Wakka... He was just having a bad day. That's probably why he acted the way he did. He's usually a nice guy about things like this."  
  
"Don't worry Tidus, We'll work things out with Wakka soon." Riku stated.  
  
Riku wrapped his arms around Sora and whispered something to him.  
  
"Well. We lost one more person."  
  
Sora looked up at Riku, sadly. He never wanted Wakka to hate them for what they were.  
  
"Riku. I hope we can make Wakka understand..."  
  
"We will, love."  
  
Sora smiled at Riku and then Tidus began to speak.  
  
"Maybe you guys should go search for Wakka right now."  
  
"Yeah. We will." Riku smiled at Tidus.  
  
"I wish you guys the best of luck." Tidus said, looking at both boys.  
  
"Come on, Sora." Riku said as he stood up. He held out his hand to Sora, which Sora gladly took.  
  
Once they were outside, they said goodbye to Tidus. They began to walk around the beach for a while. "Riku, do you think Wakka is gonna ever accept us?" Sora asked, looking down at the ground.  
  
"Sora, I'm sure he will. He's our friend." Riku lifted Sora's face up with his hand. They both looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds before continuing their walk. They walked down the beach, hand in hand.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Okay, I'm not the best of writers so dun get mad if ya didn't like it! You people need to Thank Joanna and Ruby-san for writing such a great story! 


	13. Arashi Strife's Chapter

This is Arashi's chapter, and my fave so far. Her profile is at: http:// www.fanfiction.net/ profile.php?userid=290246 So go check out her other stuff! Thanks, dear, very much +tacklehugglomp+ (oh, BTW, ff.net ate your formatting. It hates ms word for some reason.)  
  
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Win chent a lotica  
  
En vai turi  
  
Si lo ta  
  
Fin dein a loluca  
  
Si natigura neuver  
  
Floreria for chesti  
  
Si entina  
  
Lalala.  
  
Fontina Blu Cent  
  
De Cravi esca letisimo  
  
Lalala.  
  
De quantian  
  
La finder eve  
  
Song-Sora /foreign-  
  
Wakka hadn't gotten very far before guilt began to seep in. After all these years, his childhood friends return from who knew where and for the stupidest reason, he blew up in their faces. They had come to him for acceptance and understanding, out of a knowledge that they could depend on his friendship, and he went and snapped that frail hope like a twig. He didn't ever expect to see his friends again, nor their announcement. It had been too much all at once: excitement, happiness, and then a wave of shock that slapped him in the face like the waves that struck the beach.  
  
And while he knew his actions were wrong, he couldn't apologize just yet. He knew he had to confront his mistake soon, but he needed some time to sort things through. He had never expected something like that to happen, and, he thought bitterly, he had dealt with it poorly. Even Tidus, who was an emotional boy to begin with, had been happy for Riku and Sora. They were his friends, after all. Why shouldn't he be happy for his friends? Their happiness was his as well, right? Right, Wakka's mind answered its own inquiry. Riku and Sora deserved better than that.  
  
Wakka found himself in the park. He looked around the quiet scene, trying to remember who had won the last game they played here when they were small, and for the matter, what the game was. During fall, they all used to play here, Wakka and Tidus more often than the others, which usually meant Blitzball practice. With a defeated sigh, he slumped against a tree. He had run fast and far, trying to escape his own regret and he just wanted to be alone.  
  
"I'm so stupid." Wakka groaned, head in his hands.  
  
"Well, I didn't know that..." A familiar voice sounded beside him. The newcomer sat beside him, voice doing all the inquiring needed, since Wakka didn't look to see who it was. "I didn't know you still came here...?"  
  
Wakka kept his gaze on a small yellow flower in the grass, knowing exactly who it was. "Leave me alone, Dark. I'm not in the mood for you."  
  
"So now your mood has to be right for me to have permission to speak to the almighty Wakka?" This being a rhetorical question, Dark went on. "I just saw a couple of friends of yours by the shore. Say they've been looking for you. What happened?"  
  
Wakka at last looked up at him. Dark was on their Blitzball team; the Destiny Island Aurochs, or just the Island Aurochs. He'd moved here a year or two ago, and his parents died soon after. If anyone might give useful advice, Wakka thought ruefully, it was Dark. But how was he supposed to explain? Wakka looked away from the curious blue eyes of his teammate and thought carefully about his words, which took about 1.5 seconds, because he blurted it all out anyway. "Sora and Riku came back and told Tidus and me that they're gay and I uh.."  
  
Dark laughed airily, lighting up in the afternoon sun. "Oh, I got ya. You got upset and stormed off. I figured that much out after I spoke to them. I told them to wait back at your pad, and I figured I could find you here." He leaned back on his palms. Yes, Dark was the islands' golden boy. All the girls liked him and all the boys wanted to be him, well save for those who were truly his friends. No matter how popular your friend is, you never want to have their life, because your friend always tells you their troubles, and they always seem worse than your own. Dark didn't seem to follow that generalization, though. He always helped everyone else out. He was impossibly perfect, but Wakka didn't mind it so much. "Your problem's simple. And so is the answer: take as long as you want to think about it and then choose the action your heart wants to take. Your friends did the same thing not too long ago, y'know."  
  
With that, Dark stood and looked at the sky, shielding his eyes from the sun with his gloved hand. He strode off without a word, leaving Wakka alone once more. The advice he was left with was a little more philosophical than he might have wanted, but he had known all along what he wanted to do, and Dark probably knew that as well as he did. That was one of the weird things about the guy. "I know it's hard, with your mom's death being ten years ago today, and the loss at the tournament, and you broke up with your girl.And.I'm sorry, man."  
  
Soon after, Wakka stood up and turned to go back to his home. He didn't know what he was going to say, but if Dark could apologize for anything- which was a first in the history of the universe-then he could face Riku and Sora. He felt a little lighter as he strode back. The frustration and anger was gone, and he found himself at his door.  
  
He entered the apartment quietly, turning to close the door before facing an empty living room. This left Wakka a little confused: he doubted his teammate would lie, but he was alone. Clearing his throat, he decided to make a vocal inquiry, "...Hey, Tidus? You here?"  
  
"Coming." The blond came out of the room at the end of the hall and came into the main room. He looked at the expression on Wakka's face with curiosity. "What's up?"  
  
Wakka's eyes scanned the room once more, straying into the joining dining room and kitchen, then back to Tidus. "I thought.." He laughed at himself. "Man, Dark must've tricked me good. Here I thought he'd sent Riku and Sora over here. Guess apologies can't be easy, huh?" Wakka sighed and sat on the couch. So Dark had played a trick on him. That was a first as well, but Wakka didn't know why he'd ever do that.  
  
"We're here." Wakka looked up to see Riku leaning against the wall in the corridor, only one side of his face visible, arms folded. "Although I'm not sure why exactly." Riku sauntered into the room and took a chair from the dining room table, seating himself backward in it.  
  
"Sora's asleep in my room." Tidus offered.  
  
Wakka felt like Riku's gaze was burning him like two green lasers and looked at the floor for a moment or two. When he looked up again, he had decided what he wanted to say. "Look, I'm sorry Riku. I'm happy for you guys... I just didn't know what to say. It was a shock. You were a shock. I guess what I mean to say is I had no right to treat you guys like that. You're my friends and you deserve better.And I guess that's it." Wakka looked down again. He didn't know how Riku would react. He was sure that changes had occurred beyond just Riku's outward appearance, and Wakka wasn't sure if that was good or bad for him.  
  
"Dark told me what you've been going through. I can't blame you because you were surprised." Riku sighed and turned to look at the darkened hall, to the door at the left. "But I think Sora needs to hear it more than I do. I don't care what happens as long as I have him, but he needs the reassurance that he still has someone he can call his friend." Wakka didn't need Riku to tell him that Sora had cried himself to sleep. So many things had piled up in the mind of Riku's love, and he worried more for it.  
  
Tidus remained silent during all of this, knowing that he both should and shouldn't be there. He knew he needed to stay out of friendship, but he wanted to go. He knew that it wasn't his conversation, nor his decision. There was nothing for him to say or do, only stare out the window, to the balcony beyond the sliding glass door, half listening to the voices of his two friends.  
  
"I'll talk to him, too. When he's up." Wakka offered, nudging Tidus to get his attention as he turned the conversation in another direction, "So what brought you here? I mean, you seen your folks?" Wakka knew Sora's were dead, but Riku's parents were still around.  
  
Riku laughed a little, without humor. "Let's just say my dad won't be seeing my face again if I can help it."  
  
"Where're you staying, then? You can't already have your own place?" This time, it was Tidus who spoke, out of genuine concern for his friend.  
  
"That's what Sora and I wanted to ask you about." Riku began, pausing to let the silence say the rest, but Tidus only looked confused, and was probably about to recommend a nearby apartment they could rent, so Riku sighed and decided to be blunt. "We were hoping we could stay with you guys, just until we can find something more permanent."  
  
+++  
  
In the Darkness  
  
The dragon waits  
  
To a cold heart  
  
The dragon takes  
  
By my side the dragon sleeps  
  
On dragon wings  
  
My dreams he keeps  
  
--Sora/English-- 


	14. Arashi's Second Chapter

Another lovely chapter by Arashi. Thank you so much, dear! And sorry to everyone for such a long hiatus. I kinda… lost track of everyone. If you want to write a chapter, e-mail me again. I'll keep it straight this time, I swear! ^^;; 

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"Where're you staying, then? You can't already have your own place?" This time, it was Tidus who spoke, out of genuine concern for his friend.

"That's what Sora and I wanted to ask you about." Riku began, pausing to let the silence say the rest, but Tidus only looked confused, and was probably about to recommend a nearby apartment they could rent, so Riku sighed and decided to be blunt. "We were hoping we could stay with you guys, just until we can find something more permanent."

+++

Shine, bright morning light

Now in the air the spring is coming

Sweet, blowing wind

Singing down the hills and valleys

Keep your eyes one me

Now we are on the edge of hell

Dear my love, sweet morning light

Wait for me, you've gone much farther, 

Too far

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This time it was Tidus who didn't seem quite so excited. He should have been, he told himself. After all, these were his pals. Wasn't it every kid's dream to live with their friends when they grew up? It was one of those things that were supposed to be fun. It should have made him happy, but he was confused. Maybe it was sudden, or maybe it was that he and Wakka had just moved into this two-bedroom apartment. That made him wonder how exactly sleeping arrangements would work. He thought about it for a moment, and decided, being the sensitive boy Tidus is, that he really didn't need to ask himself. An imagination could go mean very easily for him.

Not that there was anything wrong with Riku and Sora being together. He was just fine with that.

He just wanted to know how four people crammed themselves into this already small apartment. He and Wakka had already decided that the place royally sucked if not for the affordable price. After all, there was heat and air conditioning, and it was easy to get to work, but like he had reviewed before, it was cramped. He and Wakka had already gone through passing fazes of hating each other forever, and they'd been here maybe two months.

He looked back to Wakka and Riku. They were talking about it. Tidus really didn't know what to do. He'd have rather have talked to Sora. He didn't feel as imposed upon nor as threatened with the other boy. Riku was still the distant, taller male, and they'd never been all that close. Well, not the same way as him and Wakka, but these were still his friends, and friends were invaluable. Still, he'd rather talk to Sora. Tidus was on equal ground with him. 

But Sora was asleep right now. He didn't get to choose.

"Whudda you think, Tidus?" Wakka asked, making Tidus jump out of his reverie.

Tidus fidgeted, feeling that shudder of all eyes on him. He hated that feeling. Okay, he liked it when he wanted the attention, but otherwise he'd avoid it at any cost. "…Well, I mean, uh…" _Would Riku stop staring at me? _his mind snapped. One on one with a person, Tidus could see that happening. But this…

"…Oh…Hi, Wakka…" Sora walked into the room sleepily. He still looked tired, especially as he rubbed his eyes and crashed into another chair. That awoke him fully, the boy frantic in replacing the furniture and apologizing. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean…"

"It's okay, man. I deserve worse than a chair getting knocked over after earlier." Wakka smiled, and Sora visibly relaxed. "Today, I didn't take what you said very well. I'm sorry for that. After all, you're my friend. Actually, I'm happy for you guys and I hope you'll accept an apology."

Sora smiled back, and it looked like he might sparkle. "I'm glad you're not upset."

Riku muttered something about how anyone being upset would ever matter and how it didn't matter to him.

"Wanna sit?" Wakka moved over on the couch, and invariably Tidus along with him, so Sora could be seated nearest Riku. This wasn't at all a bad idea, Tidus thought. In fact, he wanted those eyes not on him. He was still getting re-acclimated to his friends after all this time and he had never gotten to know Riku as well as he probably should have. It was a mistake on his part, but there wasn't much he could do at this very moment.

"Thanks." Sora plopped onto the couch gratefully, and they could all tell he still needed sleep.

"You feeling okay?" Riku was of course asking this to Sora.

Tidus might have listened to this if not for Wakka cornering him on the topic at hand. Sometimes he could strangle Wakka…If not for the fact that he was bigger, and possibly stronger. Tidus was faster, but Wakka could wear him out eventually. They had gotten into a brawl once or twice, and from these times Tidus had gained much wisdom. And one thing he did not want to do was punch or kick Wakka. Or strangle him either. 

"Well, it okay with you if they stay?" Wakka asked the dreadful question Tidus did not yet know how to answer. And again hurting Wakka was tempting in spite of its dangers.

Again all eyes were on him, and Tidus was again reduced to sputtering and babbling. "I uh…You see…I…" He felt as if this were more of a painful surgery, one in which an answer he did not yet know was extracted from him. "I didn't hear what you had to say, Wakka." Pressure off for a moment, and by now Sora probably had been filled in and knew his future was being decided by the two Blitzers. Not that it would change anything even if Tidus could ever have the heart to say no to a friend. Those two would stay together no matter what. But Tidus wasn't going to undergo the evil all eyes on me treatment until he had Wakka's opinion. After all, he was the older and more reasonable one.

"I don't think it would be a problem. Not like it'd change too much around here. And just you and me we drive each other insane. So I think it's fine." Wakka replied in a simple, no less evenhanded manner. "But you and me pay rent, so it's your choice too."

And then hurting Wakka was even more tempting. If he was a fainter, Tidus might have managed. Yes, already, he thought it was fine. He couldn't throw his friends out and Wakka knew it. Damn Wakka. He knew Tidus had a problem talking to people he didn't know well, or worse yet the ones he didn't know at all. He wasn't doing Tidus any favors. Everyone was watching him, again. Damn it, he'd show Wakka. Tidus was now fuelled by anger at a roommate, one of the most powerful emotions ever, and found the ability to speak even with all those eyes watching him. "Sounds fine to me."


	15. Read if you want to write for this story...

ATTENTION SHONEN-AI/YAOI WRITERS! YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO CONTINUE THIS STORY!  
  
Due to lack of time/interest/ideas and two other current projects (Release, and Inspiration's sequel), I have given up on this story. But you needn't fear! I am giving you, my dear reader, the chance to write it for me!  
  
Wait! Don't start typing yet! I'm going to do this in the style of an improv manga (though no manga is involved ^^;;). If you haven't seen improv manga before, it works as such: I assign a few people chapters. The first person writes a chapter, then the second reads it and builds off it, then the third reads the second's chapter and builds, and so on.  
  
If you are interested in writing for this story, please e-mail me at pitiful@earthling.net and I shall give you more details and a chapter number. Regrettably, you may not get to write very soon or quickly because others may take a while. I'll set a time limit (it'll be long, but no /really/ long) for when your chapter must be in. I will give the writer full credit for their chapter. If you wish to write multiple chapters, you'll have to wait your turn. That, or make your chapter really long. XD  
  
If you write me, thank you! Oh, and please put "Hate This Place Writer" in the subject line. Thanks again!  
  
Love, I hope we get old  
  
I hope we can find a way of seeing it all  
  
Love, I hope we can be  
  
I hope I can find a way of letting you see  
  
That I'm so easy to please  
  
So easy 


End file.
